Potters clay

Sometimes the ugly attitude of my heart takes over, starts to fester and infects those around me with the speed of a deadly disease. Usually, I see the symptoms of this toxic ailment when I catch the look of frustration, confusion and hurt on my family’s faces. My mother’s saying comes to mind, “When you think it’s everyone else, it’s probably you!” How true. When I was a teen, my wise mother sent me to my room or outside to give me space to work out my feelings. As a grown up it’s not easy to contain myself. Sometimes, I wish for a good old fashion time out in the corner where no one is allowed to talk to me because I am “in trouble”!

This morning is one of those “toxic” times. I snapped at my daughter not once but twice, I felt like getting in a fight with my spouse for no good reason and the antics of my children brought frustration instead of smiles to my heart. Yet I feel a pull like gravity, to seek JOY. I just don’t know quite how to “pull yourself together and make the best of it”, like my husband advised or “stop being grumpy!” as my children demand. Guilt washes in and the “should” over take. “You should have more patience!”, “You should be able to just brush this off, what’s the big deal anyway?” “You should go to church with your family because you will be embarrassed when the kids say you're home in a bad mood” and so on. 

Not sure what is right or wrong, I simply stay home to the disappointment of my children and husband knowing I have failed them again. I struggle to make heads or tails of my jumbled up heart.

I sit here and type with the sweet scent of September air filling my sunlit bedroom and the sound of a Flicker at the bird feeder below my window drifts up with a cheery tune. I sift through guilt, expectations (both my own and others) and I listen for the Spirit’s soft sure voice. It comes, breaking through the swirls of thoughts and emotion, “I Love you, mess and all!” I cry tears of relief and pent up jumbled feeling pour out. In His voice I hear no expectation, no demand or guilt. I know that the mess I am in doesn’t confuse him. He whispers his words of love and I know the despair of being a hopeless cause is not his words. “I am the Potter you are the clay” He reminds. I sink back into the hands that shape, smooth and graft my heart knowing he will fill it with himself.

 

I laugh and tell God “My eyes must be going again Lord, I so easily lose your perspective these days. Thank you for not being lost in my mess! Thank you for gently shaping and forming my heart. For caring enough to delight instead of despair in the weaknesses and flaws that mar me!"

 I take a min. to see the JOYS that are all around me....

Because there's just so much to be thankful for:

3 gifts paired.

 Little E's small black boots

 My hands in Hubby's work toughen hands

 My family's Eyes, windows into the soul

 

                         ....How can I not be thankful with so many blessings of love? 

 

The stillness is interrupted by the loud happy clamor of my children; they're home. My hour of time alone is up and it's time to leave this quiet space. I know I will find myself again getting so caught-up spinning that I don't feel The Potters hands softening and shaping. Today, I will likely have to stop before I open my mouth lest any lingering toxin remains and spills out. But the reminder that I am loved, mess and all, will hold me up and strengthens me to love on those around me with JOY! The hands of my Father are ever on me and as the scripture says:

 

 

“Have no fear, for I am with you; do not be looking about in trouble, for I am your God; I will give you strength, yes, I will be your helper; yes, my true right hand will be your support.” Isaiah 41:10 

 

SEPTEMBER

“After all, …I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.” – Anne (Anne of Avonlea)

  

Saturday September 1st

1. Summer evenings
2. Sun warmed grass and dirt covered children kissed with the pleasure of outdoor play
3. Laundry lines
4. How light overcomes the dark and darkness can never take from light
5. Crisp tangy apples
6. Clean windows 
7. Cleaning with my Mom

Sunday September 2nd

1. Orange slice smiles
2. Quilt blocks
3. Cut Ceder wood - I love it's a husky earth and spice antique smell!
4. Ted Whited - Jesus with skin on :) xoxo
5. Little JB singing his new favorite song "God's not dead"
6. Home made DF SF dark chocolate with sea salt. Yummy!
7. Little E's request to "Nuggle (snuggle) with me. Watch eggie Tales (Veggie Tales)!

September opens the door to Autumn

“Frost of winter, invitation of spring, dream of summer, and glamor of autumn.” – Rainbow Valley

 

One may prefer spring and summer to autumn and winter, but preference is hardly to the point. The earth turns, and we live in the grain of nature, turning with it.” -Robert Hass

Warm days and crisp cool nights. September opens the door to Autumn as summer fades. It's a month of transition, of change and renewal. Schedules are re-established and the blare of an alarm clock can be heard in the early AM  until my body's internal alarm resets. School books cover the tables with freshly sharpened pencils and unmarked math pages beckon. Numerous stacks of books invite us on journeys to worlds beyond our own and as we read they come alive in our minds. The family drift from summer norms and  new topics inspire our conversations: the USA states, soccer, Nutcracker, harvest, library books, memory verses, etc. I sort cloths and make a list of warmer items owned or needed for the Washington weather ahead: 

 

  Rain boots
 Raincoat
 Long sleeves
 Pants
 Hats....

The house is being reorganized and deep cleaned in preparation for the busy months a head. Menus are planned and the crisp taste of Autumn begin to grace our table: Apples, Pears, Swiss Chard, Grapes. A look at the calender shows just how full the months ahead will be. Dentist appointments, Doctor visits, the sports and dance, birthdays, holidays and visits with friends.

Planning, Sorting, Parenting.................

And some where in this collage of life my heart begins to piece together lessons learned  and reminders from this summer:

• Light overcomes darkness and dark can never block out light
• Love over comes fear!
• Paper plate are my friend and I have officially lost the guilt over our long standing relationship
• If I stop running around like a crazy women and just look around me I will be blown away by the magnitude of God's handy work!
• Dirt is a beautiful on happy children's faces, toes, fingers cloths
• Planned memories are great but the impromptu moments of ever day are magical
• Little E (or any of my children for that matter) will only make it through childhood alive by the grace of God because I am not omnipresent and Little E's appetite for adventure goes beyond my human ability to protect him
•  Family is a place to hurt, heal and grow; it's never perfect and that's part of it's beauty! 
• I am loved, accepted, and secure in Jesus
• There is joy to be found every where... real, lasting, God given JOY!
• And so much more!

The heart is on a journey and there's much to be learned.   I feel like God is saying "When your vision is blurred child, step closer and I will come into focus. Draw near and see through my eyes that you may see clearly!" Another season of change and with it lessons for my heart. Praise be to God who tenderly guides and daily pours out his love!

 
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 
2 Corinthians 4:18

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

August 7th-12th

But you are a chosen people, a royal priest hood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
1 Peter 2:9

BELONGING  House in Port Townsand. July 2o12

Tuesday 7th

1. Hope

2. Heritage

3 . Belonging

4. Sleeping in

5. Green everywhere; one of my favorite aspects of living in the Puget Sound!

6. A hard day; it reminds me how much my heart has grown and how far it has to go.

7. The boys and cousin Joy covered in Mud from head to toe!

 Taste of Heritage

The pungent vinegary aroma of my German heritage. German potato salad with memories of peeling large pots of hot potatoes with my grandma, my mother crying onion tears over her chopped onions and children munching gusto and exclamations of pleasure. 

Heritage isn't just something you eat, it isn't something you practice... it is part of who you are and where you come from!

Hot German Potato Salad

(Warmer Kartoffelsalat) Grandma Rose's Family Recipe

Wash and cut into halves

6 Medium Red Potatoes (about 2Lbs)

Cook (boil) about 2o min. or until potatoes are tender when pierced with a fork. Drain potatoes, dry potatoes by shaking pan over over heat. Peel and cut into 1/4" slices.

Meanwhile, dice and panbriol, reserve bacon dripping of 

12 slices of bacon. Set aside. 

Clean and chop

3 Medium-sized onions (about 1 1/2 chops, chopped).

Put 6 tablespoons of the bacon dripping into a saucepan. Add the onion and cook until it is tender, occasionally moving and turning with a spoon. Stir in:

3/4 cup vinegar

2 1/2 Tablespoons of sugar

2 teaspoon salt

optional 1/4 teaspoon pepper

Heat mixture until boiling. Add the diced bacon to the onion-vinegar mixture. Pour over the hot potato slices and toss lightly to coat evenly. 

Serve hot.

Wednesday 8th

1 Art work at the dining room table with the kiddos & Uncles

2 Little E's songs

3 Brothers working together to finish a project

4 Cool refreshing flow from my faucet pouring into cupped hands overflowing, splashing into the sink

5 Beads of water on the crisp cabbage I cut

6 Pot of red Potatoes boiling on the stove

7 Grandma Rose

 

Thursday 9th

1 The holes around the pilings teaming with sea life of crabs, star fish, sea anemone... an ocean world we get a glimpse at

2 A whole purple black plum, juices dripping red on my fingers

3 Half a day spent exercising patience and seeking joy

4 All the kiddos sitting with me on the dock feet in the cold water, sun freckled children's faces turned up in smiles.

5 Boys with Legos creating

6 Little E and his workers puzzle hammering away

7 Time alone to rest and rejuvenate

Friday 10th

1. JB’s and Alyssa’s farewell hugs

2. Hay pick up with Alyssa

3. Ice cream on the dock

4. Old barns withered with the years and perfumed with dust, hay, tractor grease and warm summer air

5. Hot feet in ocean cold water

6. Jelly fish

7.How we as women can so quickly understand each other, we just get it!

3 Hard Eucharisteo:

1 The imperfect relationships in my life that compel me to Christ’s feet and revel deeper purpose to pain and struggle and help me to love without contingency... love for who we are and not what we have done or can do.

2 Worrying converting to trust

3 Limitations ; health needed limitation.

Saturday 11th

1.Family cleaning the van together

2.The peppery earthy smell of lavender

3.Hinges creaking on a gate

4.Metal pounded against metal as Husband drives  fence posts into grass covered earth

5.Green suet cage swinging with the large majestic Pileated Woodpecker

6.W-Man’s serving heart glowing through his joyous smile

7.Dad in his garden

Sunday 12th

1.Daughter’s Colonial Queens Cakes

2. Little E’s water dripping hugs between slip and slide turns

3. Remembering,  being reminded and putting to memory God’s  lessons of the heart

4. Ted and Daughters voices lifted with praise

5. Brilliant red, small globes of sweet Huckleberries adorning the limbs of bushes hidden under evergreen trees peeking through Salal plumes

6. smile forming around tears

7. summer evenings 

8. Grandmothers of the heart Mrs. Whited and Mrs. Syre 

August 1-6th Bless The Lord

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BLESS THE LORD

 

 These last few weeks have been busy with summer outings, family, chores and fun.  I've been keeping my Thankfulness list going (though I some how managed to loose Tuesday the 31st praises. Oh well, God, you know what it is). It's been challenging to find time for much reflection let alone blogging. Yet, even the few minutes I spend thinking of Joy Gifts my heart is lifted and my spirit encourage.   
 
So here's another week began with challenges, struggles and fun. Another week in life's  JOY Adventures! I like the quote by Corrie Ten Boom:

"If you look at the world, you'll be distressed. If you look within, you'll be depressed. If you look at God you'll be at rest.”




So Bless the Lord oh My Soul in him there is joy and rest! 

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Wednesday August 1st

 1) Marriage: living as an imperfect wife loving an imperfect man.

2.) Parenting: The reality that my children don't need a perfect mom, they need an imperfect mom who points to the Heavenly Father in her weakness.

3.) My heart: It's fickle, willful and forgetful even after the daily reminders that I am loved, secure and significant in Jesus!

4.) Farm land with fields, gardens, barns and animals. I love the smell, the feeling and the look of it all!  

5.) Alyssa and Jeremiah

6.) That Jesus’s desire for my heart is never ending!

7.) Horseback riding with the kiddos! :)

Thursday August 2nd

1 Coconut oil, milk, fresh, dry

2 Peanut-butter from a spoon

3 Ice cubes dripping down little muddy hands

4 Soap bubbles

5 Putting together a shelf with my Mom

6 Text from Hubby

7 JB-Man riding his bike down the well road

FRIDAY August 3rd

1. Sun shine coming through the kitchen window

2. Puget Sound waters and Mountains

3. Daughters beautiful green eyes

4. Little Niece’s happy laughter

5. End of the week

6. The struggle between my head and heart because in the struggle I see God!

7. Once a Month Cooking with my Mom

 

Saturday August 4th

1.  Sun kissed faces

2. Sand sprinkled children

3. Sharp knives Garrett sharpened just for me

4. Sea Salt Chocolate

5. Sitting snuggled up with Little E in a comfy chair

6. White dishes sitting in a dark wood cabinet

7. American Goldfinches sitting perched on top of the porch railing

 

Sunday August 5th

1. Sounder’s Game with Jeremiah, Alyssa and Hubby!  

2. Ferry ride in the sunset

3. Refreshing shower with gallons of hot water!

4. How an argument that leads to forgiveness and sharing of our hearts knits our marriage together (it’s kind of upside down :)

 5. I am thankful there is no one quite like me. I am unique from my finger prints quarks, strengths and failings to how God shares a part of himself through me; I get to be special every day!  

6. A Nana who loves on the children and cared for them so Hubby and I could get some time away.

7. Summer evenings

 Monday August 6th

1. Daughters anticipation and excitement for a dance audition

2. The new shelves in the dining room for school and art supplies! It’s such a happy spot!

3. A room full of Brothers laughing loudly

4.  Tall glasses of cool water from our well

5. Uncles playing Soccer with W-Man

6.  A thirst that is quenched by God’s life-giving water... his Spirit!

7.  Warm wet washcloth that wipes away the mess to reveal Little JB’s smiling face :) 

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

I will betroth you to me forever;

Monday July 31st

I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. Hosea 2:19

1. Daughters beautiful dancing in the living room

2.  Wes-Mans helpfulness

3.  Being married to Hubby long enough to laugh at our early years of marriage

4. HUGS HUGS HUGS

5. Brothers working together

6.  Gods natural sugars, watermelon, grapes, orange

7. The smell of Little E’s and JB-man’s skin after a bath

 

 Give Thanks to the Lord for He is good his love endures forever!

 

 

Sunday 

1. Old friends

2. Music that pours out praise

3. Jeremiah and Alyssa

4. Wes-man and his tent fun

5. A much needed nap zzz zzz

6. Eyelashes :)

7. Knee slapping laughter 

Joshua and Madalynn Toddler Toes

Saturday

1 Hair cut 

2 Refreshing time to myself

3 My sweet friend Jennifer!

4 Sharing joys and struggles with a kindred spirit

5 Sun so warm it makes me sweat :)

6 The smell of fresh cut grass

  

 

 Friday 

 

1. Monica and her kiddos

2. Green lushes garden produce from a friend

3. Bananas

4. Books

5. The kiddos playing with gentle ponies for hours

6. Little E’s twinkling eyes

7. Being known and loved

 

Thursday 

1. A bad day comes to an end

2. Tomorrow is new and fresh

3. Chocolate ice-cream

4. Messes that are cleaned … eggs on the floor and the bitter thoughts in my spirit

5. Dark clouds making light brighter

6. Thankfulness coming from longing unfulfilled

7. Blessings… each so undeserved but yet lavished abundantly on me